May you and I both be talkers and win good popularity.
Zhu Ziqing wrote in his book talking:
"it's not easy to talk. If you talk every day, you don't necessarily know how to speak; many people have spoken all their lives and haven't said a few words. "
everyone can speak, but not everyone can talk.
some people talk like a knife, sharp and sharp.
some people talk like a spring breeze on their faces, which warms people's hearts and makes people comfortable.
only those who can talk can go further.
A person who can talk knows how to handle things properly
have seen netizens on the Internet
, shared a story that happened to me.
A Gu had a change in his family when he was in high school. Because he could not bear such a heavy blow, he had no choice but to go to the hospital for treatment.
only Ah Gu's best friend knew about this at that time. Because of this, he had a very difficult time during his four years in college.
after graduation, he decided to work in the city where his best friend lives.
this friend was also very kind to him. He found a restaurant and called a lot of people.
but to the surprise of Gu, his most trusted friend was openly talking about his unbearable past in front of him at the dinner table.
his friend said:
"I'm telling you, my buddy, he's had a lot of experience. He's been in a mental hospital, isn't he? Gu, tell us what it looks like inside. Is the meal delicious? "
at that moment, A Gu's face turned red.
after this incident, Gu never had contact with him again. At the end of his account, Gu wrote the following sentence:
"No matter how close the relationship is, revealing people's faults and making jokes are two different things. Humor regardless of occasion and size is to use other people's sufferings as material for jokes and sprinkle salt on other people's wounds. "
I agree very much. No matter how good the relationship is, I can't stand this kind of unmeasured joke.
sometimes a simple "I'm just kidding" can only inadvertently hurt the self-esteem of others.
Confucius said a sentence in the Analects of Confucius:
"there are three trespasses in serving a gentleman:
when it is not spoken, it is said to be impatient;
talking about it but not saying it is called concealment;
if you don't see the color, it's called a horse.
is to avoid three kinds of mistakes when dealing with others:
when you should not speak, it is called irritability; when it is your turn to speak, it is called concealment; if you do not pay attention to the face of others, it is called blindness.
people who can speak know how to be measured, do not regard ignorance as humor, and know what to say and what not to say.
A talker knows how to think of others
Cai Kangyong said:
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"I don't care about the art of speaking, I care about the way of speaking. The way I speak is to take you to heart. "
people who can talk will first take other people's feelings to heart and know how to think about each other.
as the emperor who conquered the world from horseback, Tang Taizong loved horses as much as life.
once, Emperor Taizong was very happy when he got a good horse and told his subordinates to take good care of it.
but a few days later, the horse died without warning. Tang Taizong was very angry and was ready to punish the caretaker of the horse.
Queen Elder Sun felt uncomfortable when she knew about it, but instead of directly pleading for the servant, she told Emperor Taizong the story they had heard:
Qi Jinggong likes birds very much, and once his beloved bird flew, so he wanted to kill the bird farmer.
so Yanzi listed three sins of bird breeders:
first, raising birds for the monarch but letting the birds fly away; second, harming the monarch because of the birds, which is detrimental to the prestige of the monarch; third, if the princes of the four sides hear of this, they will despise our country.
after hearing this, Duke Qi Jinggong felt that Yanzi had a point, and immediately pardoned the bird farmer.
after the story was told, the eldest grandson asked Empress Taizong, "has your Majesty forgotten to have heard of this when he was a student?"
after hearing the Queen's words, Emperor Taizong had an epiphany and immediately pardoned the horse breeder.
the eldest grandson seemed to intercede for her subordinates, but she knew that Emperor Taizong had always wanted to be a good emperor loved by the people.
so everything she said stood in the position of Emperor Taizong, for the sake of Emperor Taizong, Emperor Taizong naturally accepted her suggestion.
see this sentence: "if we only look at things from our own point of view, then we never know what other people are thinking."
people who are really good at talking often don't just talk to themselves, but know how to observe what they say and think of each other heart to heart.
people who can talk know how to listen to others
Socrates said, "God gives everyone two ears and only one mouth, asking people to listen more and speak less."
in this world, everyone can talk, but not everyone can listen to others quietly.
he decided to consult the mage, who recognized his troubles.
so only the young people confided in the whole process, and the mage did not interrupt from beginning to end, listened attentively and responded silently.
the young man spoke all afternoon, and the mage sat beside him and listened to him all afternoon.
, the mental state of the young people is obviously completely different from that when they first arrived, and a smile can be seen on their faces.
Young people say:
"on weekdays, no one listens to him attentively. Those people only care about what they have to say. Now that he finally met and could talk to himself, he felt that he was in a good mood. "
in fact, in many cases, listening is more important than expression.
sociologist Rankin once pointed out in his own research:
"in people's daily language communication activities (listening, speaking, reading, writing), listening time accounts for 45%, speaking time accounts for 30%, reading time accounts for 16%, and writing time accounts for 9%. Listen, it plays a very important role in people's communication. "
therefore, to know how to listen is to respect others. Not only take care of other people's emotions, but also get closer to each other's feelings.
there is also a good saying: "only by listening well to others can you better speak your own."
people who can talk, all know how to listen to others, and only when they understand, can they communicate better with others.
Cai Kangyong said a sentence that impressed me:
"the more you can talk, the happier others will be; the happier others will be, the more they will like you; the more others like you, the more help you will get, and the happier you will be. Therefore, it is really the most cost-effective thing to practice speaking well. "
I think to be able to talk, you don't have to say it so beautifully, but to make people feel comfortable and relaxed when you get along with it.
, may you and I both be talkers and win good popularity.