Unable to meet each other's inner expectations.
some people say that people will meet about 8263563 people in their lifetime.
39778 people will say hello, will be familiar with 3619 people, will be close to 275 people, but will eventually disappear into the crowd.
Why can we hardly find anyone who can accompany us all the time, even if we meet as many as 8 million people?
Why can't many intimate relationships escape the law of sadness drifting away in the end?
some people say that because we don't know how to cherish it when we should cherish it most.
it is also said that because "the Tao is not the same as each other, there is no conspiracy."
others say that because nothing in the world can stand the baptism of time.
however, in fact, a person follows us from strangeness to familiarity, from familiarity to intimacy, from intimacy to alienation, from alienation to departure.
in fact, it is nothing more than the inevitable process and law of getting along with others.
if we really want to get to the bottom of the matter, there is only one real reason, that is, unable to meet each other's inner expectations.
is mainly divided into three situations.
have false expectations of others
A person's association or relationship with another person must be based on some degree of recognition or appreciation of that person.
that is to say, he has some expectations for the "personal value" of this person.
of course, the "personal value" here does not just refer to a person's economic strength.
but generally refers to all the qualities of a person from "inside" to "outside", including character, character, hobbies and so on.
in The Deer and the Cauldron, the reason why Kangxi recognized Xiao Guizi as a good friend at the beginning.
the reason is that Xiao Guizi satisfies his expectations of simplicity, fun and ingenuity.
because of this, Kangxi was able to wrestle with him unscrupulously and vent his inner pain and troubles.
while "Little Guizi" Wei Xiaobao really began to regard "Little Xuanzi" Kangxi as a friend, but only after he learned the true identity of "Little Xuanzi".
the reason is that Xiao Xuanzi, as an emperor, can meet his expectations for asylum, money, status and so on.
even if he wrestles and fights with Xiao Xuanzi every day, it doesn't matter if he has a deep friendship. He just has a playmate who can have fun and pass the time with each other.
once the two people meet each other's expectations, the friendship between them quickly heats up and becomes close friends.
later, Kangxi and trinket had differences, resulting in a final break and separation.
the reason is that their expectations of each other's value have been seriously misplaced.
Kangxi hopes that trinket can be a right-hand man who is loyal to himself.
while Wei Xiaobao is between Kangxi and the Heaven and Earth Society, it is difficult to choose between loyalty and righteousness.
at this time, trinket can no longer be satisfied, Kangxi's expectations of his loyalty and trust;
and Kangxi can no longer be satisfied, trinket's expectations of his power, asylum and trust.
since we can no longer meet each other's expectations of each other, it is inevitable to part ways in the end.
in real life, this kind of alienation caused by the dislocation of expectations is even more numerous.
We often hear some people complain that they usually have many friends, but when they are in need, they can't find any of them.
this is, in fact, false expectations for so-called "friends".
there are many kinds of friends.
friends who can talk to each other may not be able to drink and eat together.
those who can drink and eat together may not necessarily have money exchanges.
those who have money exchanges may not be able to save you from crisis at a critical moment.
after all, the "personal value" that anyone can provide is usually limited.
if you want someone to meet all their expectations, it is not only a delusion, but also a compulsion.
as a matter of fact, is it not only for "others", but also for ourselves, that we often feel disappointed and dissatisfied because we have some false expectations of ourselves?
so in essence, to maintain a relationship is to maintain a mutual expectation.
the more reasonable and "fit" each other's expectations are, the more harmonious and lasting the relationship will be.
on the other hand, if the expectation is wrong or unreasonable, the shorter the relationship is, the more likely it is to collapse.
be afraid to expect from others,
I don't know what to expect
there is often such an interesting phenomenon in life:
some people have always been intimate and intimate with themselves, but they soon become rusty after being separated for a period of time.
even if they are forced to be polite, they still can't hide the strong embarrassment between them.
So this happens mostly because their "expectations" of each other are often related to a specific "environment" rather than their real "personal values".
therefore, once the "environment" changes, they dare not and have no way to know what expectations they should expect of other people.
because they know nothing about each other's true personal value.
A typical example is the relationship between colleagues in the workplace.
when two people are in the same office environment and facing the same work situation, they can easily identify and recognize each other's value to them.
for example, you are efficient at work, I am funny and humorous, and I am good at resolving work pressure and so on.
their expectations for each other's "value" can be well matched and satisfied with each other.
therefore, the relationship between them is also very close and harmonious.
however, this is mostly limited to the satisfaction of each other's "work value".
it is based on an established work environment and is not exactly the same as true personal value.
so once one of them leaves the original working environment, then the value he originally reflected in his work will no longer exist.
Everything feels better with our spectacular knee length homecoming dresses. These are the best options for the big day.
at this time, if a colleague who used to be close to him does not know him very well.
then this colleague can no longer have any clear value expectations of him.
from then on, the two were strangers, and it was natural for them to be reasonable.
similarly, is this not the case with many classmates?
Why do some classmate reunions after a long separation often show a kind of hesitation and awkwardness?
the reason is that the change of the original "school" environment has brought about the vagueness and lack of mutual "value expectation".
since we cannot have clear expectations between each other, how can we talk about mutual satisfaction and harmony?
give up expectations of others
in the TV series "Love between the Mountains and the Sea", Li Shuihua, played by Raiza, and Ma Defu, played by Huang Xuan, were originally lovers from childhood.
but later, Ma Defu went to school and made some achievements.
Li Shuihua gradually extinguished his love in his heart and agreed to marry an Yongfu.
from then on, I lived a hard life in a down-to-earth way.
although Ma Defu is still the ideal, ambitious and talented Ma Defu;
but Li Shuihua is no longer the Li Shuihua who is full of longing for the ideal.
for life, for herself, she has new plans and new expectations.
although Ma Defu's personal value has not changed at all, he is no longer in Li Shuihua's expectation.
similarly, Li Shuihua is not the same for Ma Defu.
the lovers who once vowed to fall in love with each other so calmly forget each other like the passage of time.
for anyone, whether it is his "expectation" of others or his own "value", it is always changing all the time.
since everything is changing, how can we expect anyone and things to accompany us forever?
the important thing is that we have "expected" and "satisfied" each other, which is enough.