May we all use our own light to illuminate each other's distance.
in life, there are many people who don't want to owe a favor. Once they get help from others, they want to know it in time.
among them, buying guests to dinner is the most common way.
have read a sentence:
"the people who really want to help you don't want anything from you; those who really have you in their hearts will never return the favor."
the friendship between adults is easy to add icing on the cake, but it is too difficult to send charcoal in the snow.
A person who is kind to you should never repay him with a simple invitation to dinner.
those who really help you do not expect you to repay
my friend Lingzi told about an awkward treat.
Lingzi lost her job for a while, and when she was at her wit's end, her former colleague, Sister Ma, helped introduce her to a job.
Lingzi's relationship with Sister Ma is not very familiar. she always feels that she owes someone a favor and wants to invite Sister Ma to dinner to express her gratitude.
but Sister Ma was invited several times, but Sister Ma always shirked on the grounds that she didn't have time.
Reiko was really grateful from the bottom of her heart and once said to Sister Ma, "if you decide the time and place, I'll be free at any time."
Sister Ma could not refuse any more, so she chose a restaurant near her home.
but when Reiko went to check out after dinner, she knew that Sister Ma had already bought the bill.
this made Reiko feel extremely ashamed, not only failed to return the favor, but also added a new burden.
however, Sister Ma's words are meaningful:
"people come and go a lot, it's the same who pays the bill, and when they can help each other, do something. I have taken a fancy to your character and ability, and it would be too much of an outsider if you always want to have a meal in return. "
people who really help you care about you from the bottom of their heart and value who you are. They want to help you out of your current predicament and make you better. What you want is your friendship and true feelings.
it is the duty of others to help, but it is duty not to help. You can get in touch with each other by inviting you to dinner, but it's not the only way.
sometimes inviting people to dinner not only fails to achieve results, but also consumes both sides' time, causing psychological pressure on each other and making it difficult for those who help you.
may even open the distance between two people, let the relationship be greatly reduced, and make your relationship weak.
it can be seen that the wisest way to repay each other is to always keep the kindness in mind.
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there is no need to please, do not rush to return the favor, once the other party has a need, try my best to lend a helping hand, so that the other party's pay has a real meaning.
moderate "trouble" will enhance feelings
in the perception of many people, bothering others is a drain on human feelings, which will make the relationship impure.
but if you are too independent, you will miss a lot of opportunities to get in touch with people.
proper trouble makes two people communicate more frequently, but it will promote the relationship.
in the 18th century, the scholar Benjamin Franklin wanted to work with a supplier, but he was a very difficult figure.
clever Franklin used a completely unexpected method-he borrowed an out-of-print book from this man.
something amazing happened next, and he began to take the initiative to talk to Franklin and offered to continue to work for him.
this is the famous Franklin effect:
people who have done you a favor once will be willing to do you another favor; if you want someone to like you, ask him a favor.
of course, moderation is fine. Don't force others to make things difficult, let alone take an inch.
@ Cui Xi
I also have deep experience in the matter of "bothering others".
she once encountered a thorny matter and wanted to ask a friend for a favor. At first she was very nervous, worried that her friend would refuse, but things came to an end a few days later.
Cui Xing was very grateful and didn't know how to return it, but his friend said, "Thank you for thinking of me when you need it. You make me feel sincere and trusted."
in fact, she and her friends have known each other for many years, and the relationship has been lukewarm. Since then, the two suddenly got close.
there is a saying in the book the weakness of Human Nature:
"if you want a relationship to last, you have to ask others to do little things for you, which will make them feel alive and needed."
the word "trouble", apart from the literal meaning, also contains trust and needs, is to prove the value of each other, can bring a sense of satisfaction to each other.
A good relationship comes out of mutual trouble. The process of communication is the process of warming up feelings.
help each other and keep each other warm to make the relationship closer.
those who are kind to you should double their returns
people meet a lot of people in this life, but very few people can go with them.
some people become passers-by as soon as they turn around; some people are limited to acquaintance no matter how long it takes; others meet for a lifetime.
because Shi En is easier to repay kindness than to share adversity, and it is even more difficult to share prosperity.
the immortal friendship between Zhang Xiaofei and Jia Ling has withstood such a test.
when the two first met, Zhang Xiaofei was unknown. Jia Ling was already a little famous in the entertainment circle, but they sympathized with each other. If there was anything they could do for each other, the other person was always the first to arrive.
Zhang Xiaofei wants to buy a house. Jia Ling accompanies her all the way to see it, worrying about all kinds of big and small affairs. Jia Ling often goes to visit Zhang Xiaofei, constantly cheering her up and trying to find ways to support Zhang Xiaofei.
they are partners who support each other at work and close relatives who take care of each other in life. They have long been unable to tell who is whose benefactor, and their sincere efforts have received gifts of great value.
everyone lives in a huge network of relationships. Don't always feel indebted or ask for help.
there is bound to be unexpected joy when there is a response, and the relationship between two-way travel is bound to become stronger and stronger.
I saw a question on Zhihu: "how to repay others?"
A highly praised answer goes like this:
"when repaying a favor, it is much larger than the Shi En given by the other person, to provide greater help to the other person, or to help more people realize their wishes."
live up to each other's expectations, throw me a peach and repay it with Qiongyao.
if your strength is not strong enough at the moment, write down this feeling silently and constantly improve yourself, reserve capital and strength.
go all out at the right time, give each other the greatest sincerity, double repay each other's goodwill, this is the best reward to the benefactor.
the best relationship, dare to owe a favor, know how to return a favor
No one is an island living alone in the sea, and no one can shut himself off and stay out of it.
everyone needs a ferryman in his life.
the best relationship between people is: you come forward when I encounter difficulties, and I will never be absent when you encounter difficulties.
the writer said:
"in this world, if you meet someone who is really nice to you, there will be one less. Don't lose a person who is good to you, don't let down a heart that treats you sincerely. "
since you are lucky enough to meet the most important person in your life, always feel grateful and cherish it.
be considerate of each other's sufferings and appreciate each other's goodness; dare to owe favors and know how to return them.
come and go, there are inextricably linked; help each other, there is an everlasting friendship.
, may we all use our own light to illuminate each other's distance.