A good marriage is always managed by heart.
in the eyes of many people, speaking is an unimportant thing, and they don't feel that there is something wrong with their way of speaking.
but in fact, the power of language should not be underestimated, especially in intimate relationships.
even two angry words and three cruel words are enough to cut the cracks in feelings and push each other further and further away.
No matter how good the relationship is, don't say these three words before going to bed unless you want a divorce.
criticize the grievances of parents-in-law
I have read a sentence: "whether the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is good or not, the husband's position is very important."
so when many women have conflicts with their parents-in-law, they cry and complain to their husbands, expecting him to be on their side to support them.
it was the same with my colleague Sister Li at the beginning.
Sister Li's husband is from a divorced family. She has been living with her mother-in-law since marriage, ranging from salty taste to raising children. She often has different ideas and ideas.
it is not easy for Sister Li to retort face-to-face, but there is no way to ignore the grievances, so she can only pour out grievances with her husband before going to bed.
once I don't know which sentence poked my husband's pain point, the husband suddenly got angry and in turn accused Lijie of disrespecting her mother.
Sister Li said that she just wanted to complain, but she didn't expect her husband to react so strongly.
in fact, many experienced people have told us not to complain about their parents-in-law in front of their husbands.
because the vast majority of men are in a muddy state in front of their wives, no one wants to offend, either simply run away or suffer anger.
if a man has a straight temper, if you blame his parents in front of him, you will make him feel that you are ignorant.
later, Sister Li also figured this out, and when she wanted to complain, she went in a different way.
first praise my mother-in-law for her hard work to this family, and then seriously advise my husband:
"you can persuade our mother not to put so much salt in cooking, which is not good for the health of the elderly. I don't mean to find fault. I just hope our family will be fine."
my husband felt reasonable when he heard this, so he went to advise his mother-in-law the next day, and a potential contradiction was resolved.
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but it is most regrettable to escalate a simple conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law into a conflict between husband and wife.
in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the role of the husband is really very important, but blaming and complaining in front of the husband is never the solution.
if you really want to solve the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, you have to rely partly on your husband and half on your own wisdom.
Smart women are good at using softness and softness to imperceptibly influence their husbands' thoughts.
not only appears to be knowledgeable and reasonable, and is cherished by her husband, but also can live in harmony with her mother-in-law and gain praise.
attack your partner's angry words
not long ago, a reader told me something she regretted for a long time.
she and her husband met on a blind date, and after their marriage they opened a restaurant. Although they didn't make a lot of money, they were able to get by.
but with more and more married friends around me, and seeing that everyone often shows their love in the circle of friends, the original peace of mind is gradually broken.
are also women, others smell of perfume, their own body only smells of lampblack, other people's husbands, not only a good job, but also a house and a car.
but her husband kept silent every time, and she looked even angrier.
one day before going to bed, she began to chatter to her husband again:
"look at you, you know how to lie down and play with your phone all day. You can see that xx recently bought a new car and took his wife out to play every day."
who knows that this time her husband is not willing to be outdone, and she is tit-for-tat:
"since I am so incompetent and my husband is good, go to him."
after saying this, they turned their back, and the two were silent all night, and the next few days were noticeably indifferent to her.
readers regret it very much. In fact, her husband is very kind to her. No matter how tired he is, he will not lose his temper with her. He has been trying to make this small family better.
it's just that once the words are spoken, there is no room for manoeuvre in the damage caused.
psychologists once said: "each of us subconsciously has a guide to find our ideal partner."
but there is always a gap between the ideal and the reality of marriage.
once you enter the hall of marriage and find that the other person is not the partner in your mind, there will be a great gap in your heart.
even if you choose the right person in the first place, with the passage of time, the daily trivial running-in between the two people will inevitably lead to complaints.
but blindly attacking can not change the status quo, urge the other side to forge ahead, but will be counterproductive.
Let the two sides enter into confrontation, conflict, and tense relationship, and accelerate the breakdown of the relationship.
from love to marriage, it is not only the result of weighing the pros and cons, but also a process of gradually giving up illusions about each other.
since we have decided to be together, we should carefully manage this relationship and give more positive encouragement and less negative blow to each other.
in this way, you can be happy even if the marriage is not perfect.
cruel words about giving up marriage
many people have a similar experience. They care about each other very much, but they like to say cruel words when they are angry, proving repeatedly that they still love themselves in this way.
in his wife's Romantic Journey, Jiang Qinqin talked about his quarreling experience.
she has a bad temper. Every time she gets angry, she blurts out her divorce.It's like a common occurrence.
but Chen Jianbin cares very much about his wife's behavior.
in his opinion:
"because of something very small, not done well, angry, in fact, did not rise to the height of divorce.
if the king is blown out from time to time, it is likely to blow each other to pieces. "
but fortunately, every time after a quarrel, the two people will be considerate of others and find a way out for each other, which will soon be fine.
however, this does not mean that everyone can act like nothing happens in the face of cruel words in a relationship.
once some harsh words are spoken, the family begins to have estrangement, quarrel and even disgust.
when Kou Naixin quarreled with her husband, she said nothing when she was angry, saying that her husband's divorce was secondhand and unworthy of him.
before going out, her husband said to her, "there are some things you can't say, you know?"
there is a saying in "intimate relationship" that goes like this:
"in an intimate relationship, we always like to bury our vulnerabilities deeply and interact with others with masks and defense."
I have seen many couples treat outsiders with a pleasant face, but leave the worst temper and the worst language to each other.
it is easy to threaten each other and drop a few hurtful words.
but a lot of reality also tells us that couples who like to talk hard to each other will not be happy for long.
A good marriage is not without contradictions, but don't easily talk about giving up your marriage even if you get angry.
this is the greatest responsibility for marriage and the greatest respect for each other.
Marriage is never about two people living together simply.
what is most needed behind a truly intimate relationship is to be with each other, to be in awe, and to protect the marriage.
but speaking well is also the most important thing in marriage.
there are no couples who don't quarrel, but the happier the family is, the better it is to communicate.
most of the time, as long as we change the way we express ourselves, we can avoid injury and conflict and integrate love into our lives warmly and smoothly.
two people lie in the same bed, sleep in the same quilt, have something to say, the relationship can be warm and long in the insipid fleeting years.
A good marriage is always managed by heart.
May we all talk well and fall in love.
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