Before being kind, please learn to protect yourself, and then benefit others.
when we were young, we were told that if you are kind to others, they will also be kind to you.
it takes a lot of experience to realize that this is not always the case.
think of others all the time, in exchange for the indifference of others;
compromise and concession again and again, but the result is the pressure of others step by step.
your kindness always makes you very tired, you always feel sorry for others, who loves you again.
your kindness is worth an inch.
in the eyes of ungrateful people, your kindness is stupid.
your kindness does not lead to prosperity, but to the gain of others.
A story was shared by netizens Chen Pei.
my relatives have just come to Beijing to look for a job, but they haven't found a suitable house for the time being.
tangerine peel sympathizes that he has just arrived in Beijing, and everything is not easy. Although his relatives did not open their mouths, he lent his small apartment in Beijing to this relative to stay temporarily without having to pay rent.
relatives moved in happily without any politeness.
period, because his relatives could not find a job, they borrowed money from tangerine peel several times, and because of the affection of their relatives, tangerine peel lent it to him.
but afterwards, no matter what he asked for, the relatives did not take the initiative to return it.
half a year later, something happened to the tangerine peel family, needed an excessive sum of money, and wanted to sell the house for turnover.
told this to relatives, but unexpectedly, the relatives immediately jumped and said:
"if your family is in trouble, how can you sell the house I live in? think of another way."
tangerine peel asked:
"what are you talking about? this is my house. I can do whatever I want."
on the closing day, the situation in the house shocked the tangerine peel.
the floor is littered with rubbish, the table is covered with dust, the kitchen is full of unwashed dishes and leftover takeout, and the whole house stinks of decay.
A good house is tossed around like a garbage dump, and Chen Pei doesn't come anywhere.
he has been so kind to his relatives that he has nothing to say, but in return he has no scruples about them.
just like a line from the movie Blacklist:
"Why others dare to do bad things to you is because you make people feel that they can do bad things to you without paying any price."
not only is there no price, it is simply profitable. As soon as you think of it, you will have a bad life.
you are considerate and profitable in the eyes of others;
if you are considerate and kind-hearted, others will dare to be wicked.
when your kindness is given to people who have no conscience, the result can only be chicken feathers.
other people's attitude towards you is what you allow
Bai Yansong said: "Why do people take you less and less seriously?" Because you are so easy to talk to. "
kindness without boundaries will only encourage the arrogance of others;
an unprincipled concession will also leave the other party with nothing to do.
there is a cruel fact that you allow other people's attitude towards you.
American psychologist Friedman once did such an experiment.
he asked his assistant to visit some housewives and asked to put a billboard on their window, and the housewives agreed.
half a month later, the assistant visited again, and this time he asked to put another sign in the housewives' yard. These signs not only take up more space than last time, but also affect their appearance.
the results of the experiment showed that 55% of the housewives who allowed their assistants to put the billboard for the first time were willing to put the second billboard in the yard, while only 17% of the families who did not let go of the billboard agreed to put the big and ugly billboard.
this is the famous "threshold" effect.
the "boarding threshold" effect is that
when people begin to accept other people's trivial requests, in order to maintain consistency in their actions, they are likely to agree to accept more follow-up requests.
so we often see this phenomenon:
kind people, after helping others, will choose a group to help;
A greedy man speaks for the first time, and then a second time.
the more this happens, the less the person being helped will be grateful for your kindness, but will become worse.
there is a sentence in "Great Rivers":
"people are not always sinister, but they can be encouraged to advance by an inch and act boldly."
there is nothing wrong with kindness, but you should have a pair of eyes to distinguish between good and evil and a heart with a bottom line.
if goodness has no teeth, it encourages evil and eventually eats itself.
people's hearts are divided into goodness, goodness needs a ruler, and your kindness needs to bring some wisdom and edge.
be good to the good and evil to the bad
heard a sentence that said very well:
"you don't have to ask anyone about me, because I treat everyone differently."
I agree with this interpersonal principle very much.
shared a real experience.
when the Spring Festival was approaching, a colleague asked her to help snap up a ticket for a high-speed train home, which cost 532 yuan.
when sheAfter receiving the money transfer from my colleague, I found that my colleague only transferred 530 yuan, and he automatically wiped out the other 2 yuan.
Milan have heard of the glorious deeds of this colleague before.
for example, when everyone goes to dinner with AA, he not only wipes out zero automatically, but also takes all kinds of packages to take away.
when I go to work and come home from work, I always find an excuse to rub against my colleague's car.
when it was Milan's turn, she decided not to spoil her colleague.
said a sentence intentionally or unintentionally:
"the 530 yuan you transferred to me, when I mention the card, I have to pay another 1 yuan service fee myself."
who knew that the colleague replied:
"you are so rich, do you still need these 2 yuan?"
Milan was very angry after hearing this. It means that if you are right, no one's money will come from the strong wind.
so, anger retaliates:
"Yes, I'm not short of money, but you'd better take the ticket yourself."
then he refunded the ticket, leaving his colleagues dumbfounded.
observed a phenomenon that the reason why the bad guys are unscrupulous is often because we are too kind to the bad guys and too hard on the good guys.
Look extremely dramatic in dresses for ladies over 50 . Let them endow you with a demonstration of refined taste.
and the truth is, people can't get used to it, and evil can't be sheltered.
to treat evil people, your tolerance will only reduce the cost of doing evil.
people with real experience understand that a kind and smart person can be kind to good people and be more ferocious than bad guys.
Li Ka-shing said: "the highest state of being a man is to be a kind lion."
when kindness goes too far, it becomes cowardice and true kindness, which is not only a choice, but also an ability.
it is not an indiscriminate giving or a bottomless concession, but a stand, wisdom and adherence to the bottom line.
before being kind, please learn to protect yourself, and then benefit others.
, may you be kind and sharp, gentle and powerful.
can't be reasonable, just tell stories