May all the things you and I meet are just right and beautiful.
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in the adult world, no one is an island.
everyone will have stories with all kinds of people;
every day, there are always too many relationships to be maintained.
when I was young, I thought that if I was accompanied by a shadow, I thought that deep friendship and closeness meant a good relationship.
in adulthood, I discovered that in the complex and ever-changing world, the best relationship between people:
there is nothing more appropriate than light and shade, far and near at will, gather and disperse along with the edge.
appropriate shade, do not cross the boundary
Audrey Hepburn tied the knot with Gregory Parker, and a Roman Holiday made a friendship that lasted for half a century.
for Hepburn, Pike has always regarded her as his best friend.
when Hepburn got married, Pike attended the wedding as an informant for the bride and groom.
later, when Hepburn's marriage came to an end, when she was most miserable, Pike from afar called.
Pike never interfered too much in every experience of Hepburn in love.
however, when she is happy, he is the first to send blessings;
when she was frustrated, he was also the first to give comfort and encouragement.
for Hepburn, Pike is his own ringer.
she never wants to talk to anyone about her marriage, but she always opens her heart to Pike.
Hepburn died on January 20, 1993.
what Pike said at the funeral moved countless people:
I was extremely lucky to be able to hold her hand and dance as Hepburn's first screen couple in that beautiful Roman summer.
having such a friend is enough in this life.
it is written in the book Man and Eternity:
"all interactions have insurmountable boundaries, and all troubles and conflicts stem from unconscious attempts to break through them."
in reality, many people mistakenly think that to participate in each other's life in every detail is to have a good relationship.
however, no matter how good the relationship between two people, if there is no boundary, it will only make people feel bound rather than comfortable.
do not realize that only when I respect your independence and you understand my choice, can we form a tacit understanding that does not cross the boundary and is not fettered.
in fact, everyone has his own space and boundaries:
keep a little discretion in order to be comfortable with each other;
has a little leeway, but gets along better.
get in touch when you have something to do, and you don't have to be busy with each other. You don't have to make pleasantries or deliberately.
A comfortable relationship, a strong point is greasy, a light point is astringent, and the thickness is appropriate, which is the longest.
at will, do not disturb
likes a sentence very much:
"the distance between the ends of the world is not strange, and the place close at hand is not intimate."
it is true that a good relationship is not embarrassed by being too alienated or burdened by being too close.
some time ago, the writer Li Xiaoyi invited Professor Yi Zhongtian to visit his own studio.
then, a friend of Li Xiaoyi asked her to ask teacher Yi Zhongtian for an autograph book.
she told her friend frankly, "I'm sorry, I can't, and I don't have Mr. Yi Wechat."
the friend thought it was strange, so he asked, "you are friends, how can you not be in touch?"
she thinks that for an old man in her 70s and a scholar who has lived out of herself, one more thing in life is better than one less, and one more person in the address book is not as good as cleanliness, so she has never asked for teacher Kayi's Wechat.
as Li Xiaoyi said, "Don't disturb is also a kind of love."
because of excessive disturbance, it may be a kind of trouble for others.
as a result, seeking closeness means alienation.
when we were young, we tried to get closer to each other and maintain our feelings through close contact and frequent interaction.
it was later discovered that it is the self-consciousness of adults to keep a comfortable distance from each other.
Mr. Bing Xin once said such a sentence, and he felt deeply:
"if the heart is there, what's wrong with losing contact?
what if the heart is not there, so what if we stay together?
this is the relationship between people:
Don't disturb doesn't mean you don't care;
not contacting does not mean you have forgotten.
maybe the distance between time and space will blur the appearance of you and me, but it will not dilute a sincere friendship.
True friends are never afraid of distance or long absence.
it is the best outcome that has some relationship with each other if they are at will and do not disturb each other.
gather and disperse along with the edge, do not force
see netizens on the Internet
share your experiences:
Twelve has a good friend who has played since childhood and has a very good relationship.
he said: "when I was a child, being with my friends was really like filming 'Family has Children'."
later, everyone moved and gradually lost contact.
not long ago, he got in touch with his friends again through Wechat, but did not party or chat.
everyone seems to be very busy, no time, can no longer return to the original intimacy.
Twelve said, "in fact, there is5 or 6 years have no contact at all, whether it is me or him, have changed more or less. "
the courtesy of each other is like the frustration between Lu Xun and the old leap soil. I feel particularly lost.
it is said that the old friend is not as good as the beginning, and the years are innumerable.
the reality is that adult relationships often have a certain shelf life.
writer Jia Pingwa once lamented in an essay:
you should be grateful that your friends are drifting away.
it turns out that after Jia Pingwa suddenly suffered from liver disease, several friends who had a good relationship, for fear of being infected, quietly turned into cold and strange dislike.
looking at his friend who had passed away, Jia Pingwa said, "it's good for such a friend to leave."
since then, Jia Pingwa has used the phrase "I have liver disease" to avoid a lot of embarrassing friends and reduce a lot of useless social interaction.
in fact, many people live tired precisely because they attach too much importance to gathering, separation and separation.
in the world, no one likes to get together and doesn't like to break up, but at a certain age, you have to learn to accept that everything goes with fate.
on the road of life, who doesn't meet and see each other at the same time, don't worry about who you'll miss, and don't be sad about who's leaving.
in any relationship, if you don't insist on it, you won't be tired, and if you don't persist, you won't suffer.
the best relationship for adults is to get together and be calm.
some people say that the relationship between people is seasonal.
just like green plum will be sour, lovers will be old, no matter how good tea is held in the hand, it will be cold, especially for friends.
with the passage of time, I gradually understand:
it is essential not to cross the line, and only when the thickness is appropriate can it last for a long time.
it is wise not to disturb, but comfortable to be at will.
the realm is not forced, but it is easiest to gather and disperse along with fate.
May all the things you and I meet are just right and beautiful.
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