The best way to live: reduce dependence and expectations
The best way to live: reduce dependence and expectations
It is better to chase the wind than to wait for the wind to come. Only you can afford the life you want.


I have seen a classic saying:

A mother complained: "my son is not filial, my life is really bitter."

she put the key to happiness in her son's hand.

an employee complained: "I'm depressed that the boss doesn't appreciate me."

he gave the key to happiness to the boss.

people are unhappy because they pin their happiness on others.

when one gives the key to happiness to someone else, he naturally gives up the lock that opens it.

the best way to live in the world is to reduce dependence and expectations.

the more dependencies, the greater the harm

netizens of Zhihu

@ Liu Xi

shared a story:

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Xiao Li and her boyfriend have been together for three years. They have a good relationship, and their boyfriend dotes on her.

her boyfriend will try his best to meet all her requests, and seldom refuse her even if others seem to be "acting".

every time they quarrel, it is their boyfriend who takes the initiative to coax her. Xiao Li takes it for granted that this is a sign that her boyfriend loves her.

in Xiao Li's words, she was spoiled by her boyfriend as a "happy loser".

besides, no matter big or small, Xiao Li always goes to find her boyfriend in the first place.

change jobs, ask your boyfriend to help with your resume; go out to play, let your boyfriend finish all the strategies, arrange all the food, accommodation and transportation; get sick, lie in bed, waiting for her boyfriend to buy her medicine, or take her to the hospital.

at first, Xiao Li's boyfriend felt that it was normal for Xiao Li to do something when they were passionate in love.

but with the passage of time, Xiao Li's dependence has not been reduced, but has become more and more intense.

once he went on a business trip and just returned to the hotel after a tired day, he was haunted by Xiao Li for a video chat until Xiao Li fell asleep before he was allowed to hang up.

after he came home from a business trip, Xiao Li rummaged through his mobile phone to see if he had the opportunity to talk on the phone with his ex or friends of the opposite sex during his business trip.

after being interrogated by Xiao Li like a prisoner all night, her boyfriend said wearily, "Let's break up."

Xiao Li froze and asked him why.

my boyfriend said, "I'm tired and don't want to go on."

after the breakup, Xiao Li felt that the sky had collapsed, washed her face with tears all day, and was dazed by the anaesthesia of alcohol.

Zweig said: "all the gifts given by fate have been secretly priced."

the more you rely on, the more hurt you will be.

the dilemma of life, after all, can only rely on their own breakthrough.

when the wind comes, it is better to chase the wind than to rely on others. It is better to rely on yourself. Only you can afford the life you want.

expectations decrease, disappointments decrease

psychologists have summed up a formula for calculating happiness:

Happiness = goal achievement value /goal expectation

when the target value remains the same, the lower the expectation value, the higher the happiness.

once read such a story:

A poor old couple want to take the only horse in the family worth some money to the market in exchange for some food.

the old man took the horse to the bazaar, first traded the horse for a cow, then traded the cow for a sheep, then traded the sheep for a goose, then traded the goose for the hen, and finally traded the hen for a bag of rotten apples.

when he was carrying rotten apples to a small hotel to have a rest, he met two young people.

the old man insists that absolutely not. The young man bet on a bag of gold coins.

so the three men came to the old man's house together.

my wife was very happy to see the old man coming back and listened to the old man's anecdotes about going to the market.

every time she heard the old man talk about exchanging one thing for another, she was full of admiration for the old man and said from time to time:

"Oh, we have milk!" "Goat milk is also very delicious." "Oh, what a beautiful goose feather!" "Oh, we have eggs!

in life, we get angry at some of the actions of others, often because we expect too much of others.

as Shakespeare said, "all expectations are the root of all mental pain."

is 100, you will be disappointed to get 99; when the expected value is 0, you will feel that you have earned 1.

just like the old woman in the story, even if she only gets back a bag of rotten apples, she is not disappointed, but accepts it optimistically.

this is the way life is: when expectations decrease, disappointments decrease, surprises increase, and happiness increases.

your independence is your strength

Franklin said, "the waist of two people with empty pockets is not straight. Why? Because you can ask for help. "

A person who can be independent in life, her personality will be independent.

Dong Mingzhu was born into a very ordinary family in Nanjing, Jiangsu Province.

get married at 27 and have children at 28. Life is plain and happy.

however, there are unexpected events in the sky.

many people think that Dong Mingzhu will never have a chance in her life.

however, after sinking for six years, Dong Mingzhu decided to stop giving up and become the master of fate.

she entrusted her 8-year-old son to her mother and went south alone to become a basic-level salesman in Gree.

in the second year after joining Gree, Dong Mingzhu's sales in Anhui exceeded 16 million yuan, accounting for 8% of the company's total.

then she was transferred to Nanjing, where there is almost no gap in the market, and signed a large order of 2 million yuan.

due to her excellent performance, 58-year-old Dong Mingzhu was appointed chairman of Gree Group.

Dickens said: "A self-improvement, do not bow to fate, will usher in the favor of fate."

people, only when they are really strong, can they live with dignity and dignity.

most of us are ordinary people, with neither a distinguished family background nor a superior environment.

but we can still make our life steaming hot and live a colorful and rich life through our own efforts.

as this paragraph says:

"if there is no world, you will rule the world; if you have no capital, you will earn your own capital; if you have no backing, you will be a mountain."

strive for what you want, regardless of people's face; if you want to live a life and work hard, you will have more confidence.

Ji Xianlin said in "joys and sorrows"

"on the road of life, everyone is a lonely traveler. There are thousands of things in the world, joys and sorrows, ups and downs, but there is nothing others can do to help. "

Life is a practice that boils bitter tea out of its fragrance.

which of those who live a sparkling life has not cried bitterly in the middle of the night?

which one doesn't climb out of the mud step by step?

people who really live sober life never rely on it or expect it.

but always understand: God helps those who help themselves.

for the rest of your life, let's lower our expectations, reduce our dependence, and be independent. You will have a good life.

, share with your friends!