May you not need to please, overexert, contented and motivated, gentle and determined.
read at ten o'clock
some people say:
"No matter who you meet in your life, you are bound to appear in your life. There is a reason and a mission. It is no accident that this person will teach you something."
those who appear in life, some are to warm you, some are to experience you, some are to let you down.
when you meet more people and experience more things, you gradually understand:
not everyone can accompany you to the end, and not everyone is worthy of your sincere efforts.
there are always some people, no matter how hard you try or please, they still can't touch his heart.
there are still some people who can get along comfortably without too much words and too much giving.
when you reach a certain age, you will understand:
the best relationship between adults is to get along comfortably.
A comfortable relationship
there is no need to pander or please
Zhang ailing once wrote such a sentence:
"when she saw him, she became very low, low to the dust, but her heart was happy and flowers came out of the dust."
when I was young, I was always moved by such feelings.
I thought that this is what it means to love someone. You can be humble to the dust for him, you can pretend to be what he likes, and you can please him infinitely.
but do not understand, stand on tiptoe to love a person, in the end, you can only hurt yourself.
because people will be tired when they stand on tiptoe for a long time, and their hearts will break when love is emptied.
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and the people who really love you, do not need your deliberate ingratiation, do not need your care, let alone your grievances.
what he loves is who you are, not what you pretend to be humble and pretend to be what he likes.
this is also a comfortable relationship in the adult world: no need to pander, no need to please.
after all, wishful giving and trying to please will never end up with sincerity but disappointment.
like the heroine in the Japanese TV series "calm Leisure", in order to please her boyfriend, she secretly gets up an hour early every day to pull her curly hair into straight hair.
not only that, her boyfriend doesn't like her drinking, so she pretends that she can't drink, and she will get drunk if she drinks a little.
but what is the result of trying so hard to cater to and please?
is that her boyfriend disrespects her more and more, and even taunts and laughs at her with colleagues.
I have heard a saying: "anything you need to cater to in order to maintain a relationship is wrong."
because every time you pander, every time you please others, you give up the position you hold in your heart.
in the end, even you will hate such a humble, ingratiating, selfless self.
you know, a comfortable relationship is never about keeping a low profile and trying to please each other, but to be yourself simply and truly.
so, instead of trying so hard to please someone, try to be who you really are.
not humble, not pandering, not flattering, you are who you are, the best you are.
A comfortable relationship
close to each other, ripe within moments
there is a term in psychology: "overrun effect":
refers to the psychological phenomenon that people are stimulated too much, too strong, or act for too long, resulting in extreme impatience or rebellion.
many people are like this, thinking that when they know each other very well, they lose their original sense of distance, thus unscrupulously invading each other's boundaries.
but even if no matter how close the relationship is between two people, if they do not have the proper boundaries and sense of division, the final outcome will still lead to strangers.
because when people get along with others, they are close to each other, and they are familiar with each other. This is the most comfortable relationship.
the cause is just a small thing, and she wants me to cooperate with an interview.
but at that time, I was too busy with work, so I refused.
then she complained about me, was indifferent to her friends, didn't care about the friendship she had once had, and refused to help.
I didn't explain anything, but deleted her silently.
from good friends for many years to strangers now, it is impossible to say not to be sad.
but people are very strange emotional animals. They will miss if they are too far away, and they will get hurt if they are too close.
I can't stand her sharing with me every night about her and her husband, because I'm so sleepy;
I can't stand her occasional sudden call. I just remind me to cut her a knife and give her a hand.
in this relationship, I am tired and more uncomfortable.
I think it's time to put an end to this friendship.
Zhou Guoping once said: "A sense of size is a sign of mature love, and interpersonal communication should know how to abide by the necessary distance between people."
the best relationship is not entanglement, but intimacy and intimacy; the best relationship is not between you and me, but when we are familiar with each other.
Life is like a ruler, be moderate; feelings are like noodles, don't cross the line.
A comfortable relationship must be kept at a proper distance, neither deliberately estranged nor too intimate.
just the right distance, we can get along longer, alsoMore comfortable.
A comfortable relationship
know you are cold and warm, understand your joys and sorrows
Gu Cheng wrote in a poem: "the grass is knot its seeds, the wind is shaking its leaves, we stand silent, it is very beautiful."
whether it is love or friendship, we all hope to meet someone who understands you, understands your implication, understands your desire to stop, and understands your joys and sorrows and warmth.
if you don't want to say it, I won't bring it up; if you are sad, I will wait for you silently.
perhaps the most comfortable relationship between people is that they know you are warm and cold, and know your joys and sorrows.
in Romeo and Juliet, there is a description:
"she hesitated, but her eyes had already told her what was on her mind."
in this life, it is a kind of luck and happiness to meet someone who knows you and understands you.
what I envy most in show business is the friendship between Chen Kun and Zhou Xun.
very often, Chen Kun will hold his grievance in his heart and do not know where to start or how to bring it up.
Zhou Xun is not in a hurry to ask questions, but stays with him silently, dispelling his sadness with silent silence.
as Chen Kun said in the interview:
"because I don't have to say much to Xiao Xun, I'm a little bad, so let's have a drink and listen to music. Two hours passed like this."
Life comes and goes. If you meet someone who understands you, you will have your own dependence, yearning and expectation about tomorrow.
once asked his best friend why he was so sure that it would be him from now on.
BFF said with a smile:
"because he knows me best, knows what I mind, and knows my emotional breakdown point."
I feel comfortable with him. I don't have to worry about being laughed at and I don't have to explain too much.
when I think of this, I want to laugh and become clear about the future. "
in the sea of life, it is easy to find a fellow traveler, but it is not easy to find a person who is comfortable with each other.
so, if you encounter it, you must cherish it.
the rest of my life is so long, I believe we will eventually meet someone who understands your hard work and hard work, and knows your warmth and joys and sorrows.
you don't have to say, I understand, this is the most comfortable way to get along, but also the best fireworks in the world.
like this sentence very much:
"comfort is like the wind in April and the rain in September. It is comforting and refreshing."
although there is no unified law in human-to-human communication, there are differences between comfort and discomfort.
A comfortable relationship does not need to pander or please; an uncomfortable relationship is cautious and too humble;
A comfortable relationship is close but not too familiar, while an uncomfortable relationship is too tight and exhausts both physically and mentally.
comfortable relationship, know your cold and warm, understand your joys and sorrows; uncomfortable relationship, speechless, have nothing to say.
Life is already very tiring, so don't force yourself to maintain an uncomfortable relationship.
people seek advantages and avoid disadvantages. The right way to get along with each other is to give up the uncomfortable and embrace the comfortable for the rest of your life.
, may you not need to please, overexert, contented and self-motivated, gentle and determined.
Life is so vast, don't let uncomfortable people or things block your view, to manage a comfortable relationship, to enjoy the scenery further away.
encourage each other.