The top self-discipline of adults is not to fight for right or wrong.
The top self-discipline of adults is not to fight for right or wrong.
Keep your mouth shut and live your life.



netizens of Zhihu

@ Wind Market

told such a story.

A mother and daughter are quarreling on the road.

the cause is that my mother, in the process of driving, caused the car to break down because of improper operation, which almost led to an accident.

the daughter jumped out of the car and accused her mother of driving so carelessly that she could serve snacks, and the same problem had happened several times.

as a result, the mother became angry and yelled at her daughter, "have you said enough? you've been talking about something big for a long time. So many people outside, do you know how to respect your mother?"

my daughter said helplessly, "I don't mean to quarrel with you or fight against you, but you don't attach importance to safety at all. What if there is an accident? after all, there is nothing trivial."

after hearing this, my mother became even angrier: "I'm your mother. You yelled at me in public, and where do you want me to put this face?"

Mother and daughter argued hard, and you quarreled with each other every word.

from her daughter's point of view, she just wants to remind the careless mother to be safe when driving;

from the mother's point of view, she feels that no matter what, her daughter can't talk to herself like that outside.

who is right about this?

maybe it's all right, maybe it's all wrong.

here is another story.

Media Humanities Wing University just graduated from the year, with a senior out to run errands.

when the work is done, drive to the parking lot exit, and an old man wearing a red armband comes to collect the parking fee.

the car was parked for only half an hour, but the old man asked for a parking fee of 30 yuan.

Wen Yi questioned that your charges are too unreasonable. Why is it so expensive?

Compliment your decent grace in our short sleeve wedding dress. We have something absolutely perfect for any occasion in your life.

in the face of Wen Yi's query, the old man did not panic at all and said plausibly that the parking fee was charged by the hour, and less than one hour was also charged by the hour.

then Wen Yi questioned, "that's not even 30 yuan an hour, is it?"

as a result, the old man got angry and said angrily, if you are too expensive, you can keep on.

after saying this, the old man went back to the reception room, closed the gate, closed the window, drank tea, and simply didn't bother to talk to them.

Wen Yi was about to get out of the car to talk to the old man, but he was stopped by his seniors.

the elder got out of the car and apologized to the old man, saying that he had a really bad attitude, and then took the initiative to pay the parking fee.

on the way back, the elder said this to Wen Yi:

"I've wasted all my time here for this little money, delaying the next work arrangement, and it's not cost-effective."

in the first story, mother and daughter just have different positions, and the purpose of the quarrel is to prove each other wrong.

in the second story, the elder realized that the quarrel would not solve the problem, but would only be useless, so he chose to stop the loss in time.

these two stories tell us a truth:

arguing is pointless. The highest level of self-discipline in adults is to refrain from arguing about right or wrong.

Why refrain from arguing about right or wrong?

arguing with people with different positions is a senseless consumption

like the mother and daughter in the first story, they have different positions and can't convince each other no matter how they quarrel.

arguments are worthless if they take different positions.

what is right in your position may not be correct in the other party's position.

in the picture below, some people think that the lioness is just holding the cub, but some people think that the lioness wants to eat the cub.

Please remember, never argue with anyone who disagrees with you.

the values are different, so we can't convince

two days ago, the family dog got sick and the treatment cost thousands of yuan.

A friend said sarcastically when he learned that you are so rich that you are willing to spend so much money on the dog.

then I argued with him for more than an hour.

in my opinion, having a relationship with a dog is like a family member. I can't watch him die, and the cost of treatment is within my affordability.

but in the eyes of friends, the feelings between dogs and people cannot be compared with those between people, and it is not worth spending thousands of yuan.

finally, I found that the argument with my friends is not about whether to cure dogs, but that we have different values about money.

arguing with people with different values is just a waste of breath, and in the end no one can convince the other.

argue with Lever, but they always lose

A poetic anecdote is recorded in Yuyang Poetry.

after Su Shi finished writing "the Evening scene of the Chongchun River", many poets praised "two or three peach blossoms outside the bamboo forest, and the warm ducks in the river were the first to feel the smell of spring." they felt that this was the finishing touch of the poem.

there was a poet named Mao Qiling who did not like Su Shi very much. whenever he heard others praise this poem, Mao Qiling would ask, "Goose is also a prophet. Why only say duck, not goose?"

Mao Qiling is now the "lever master" in the popular sense. No matter what you say, he always likes to argue with you.

if you say you have adopted a stray cat, the barber will say, "you are so warm-hearted, why don't you go to the welfare home to take care of the elderly?"

you sayIf a domestic film is very good, the bar master will say, how can a domestic movie be good?

the crooked theory of the lever will never be finished. No matter how much you argue, the result will be lost.

argue with relatives, win truth, lose affection

Mr. Yang Jiang wrote a story in "the three of us", which many people know.

Qian Zhongshu and Yang Jiang quarreled on the ship because of a French pronunciation.

Yang Jiang feels that Qian Zhongshu's pronunciation has an accent and is not pure, and Qian Zhongshu is not convinced.

they found an English-speaking Frenchman to be severed. As a result, Yang Jiang was right and Qian Zhongshu was wrong.

Yang Jiang recalled: "although I won, I felt boring and unhappy."

when you argue with someone close to you, you often win the truth, but if you lose your feelings, the loss outweighs the gain.

Home is a place to talk about love, not a place to cheat, still less a place to reason.

in relationships, less care and less struggle for right and wrong is the most self-disciplined way to deal with it.

I have read a story about a man named Huba who runs a circle around the house and land every time he quarrels with others.

in the process of running, he was thinking, my house is so small and there is so little land, how can I have time to quarrel with people?

in the next few years, Huba's house became bigger and bigger and there was more and more land, but every time he had an argument, he would still run around the house and the land.

Huba's greatest wisdom is that he doesn't like to argue with others, but uses his time to do things that are more beneficial to life.

in the adult world, 90% of the arguments are meaningless.

you can never convince anyone. The result of an argument is just wasting your life.

finally, I would like to share a paragraph with you:

"A sign of maturity is that you are no longer anxious to argue with others about your views, and come to understand that not all people live in the same sea."

growth is probably, in the past, when you were misunderstood or had a different opinion, you wanted to grab the other person's collar and say it for three days and three nights.

not anymore. If you don't understand, I'll turn around and walk away. "

the top self-discipline of adults is not to fight for right or wrong, to keep their mouths shut and to live their own lives.

, share with your friends.

the book is released by authorization on Monday.